grandma shit on top of the toilet
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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