if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
