too bad you live with your parents still
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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