i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
