clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
