Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
