The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
