You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
