Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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