is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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