You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
