Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
