Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
