Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
