Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize