We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
