come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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