i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Two words: nipple clamps
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