You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
