i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
