Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
