oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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