he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
