She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
