she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You dont lie about slip and slides
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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