I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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