Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I wish there were birth control emojis
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize