Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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