Buhtt sex?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
