I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
