If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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