I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
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Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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