I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
