Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
