my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
