I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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