i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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