the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
