i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
