I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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