so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
