Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
