...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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