hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
