She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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