Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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