quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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