her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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