I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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