when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
