I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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