there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
