what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
