I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
