I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
