Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
