My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
