very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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