Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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