The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
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sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
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Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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