I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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