I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
