I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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