some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
