ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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