My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
