I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
