Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
